peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
