What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
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I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
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Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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