DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
