I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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