There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
