Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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