so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
