WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize