Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just tell him i said nine months
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
