i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This baby is an asshole
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
