I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
