shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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