dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
