this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
What a dumb baby whore.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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