trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
