I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
and you said cock pushups were impossible
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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