Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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