if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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