Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
