Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
