why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
