so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
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In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
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max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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