the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I had to cum in my sink.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
