Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
