You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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