Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
