If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
