Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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