I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
