she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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