He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
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I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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