remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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