Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
