They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
