I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
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I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
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In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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