Only a mothe r could love this liver
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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