You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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