Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
