I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
