Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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