My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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