Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
