Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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