i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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