Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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