he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
