Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
