so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Randomize
