The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
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then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
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You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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