There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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