hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
