ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
