please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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