dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
