I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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