you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you win again, gameday.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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