a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Im part way to drunk.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
